The Character

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by John Schoneboom

The character was adopted by the richest parents in the entire town, Jermaine and Rhonda Goldperson. Anything he wanted, all he had to do was raise his hand and scream and he'd possibly get it.

While attending dance lessons, however, he fell in with the wrong sort of crowd and became addicted to hurling insults at priests.

After several decades of this kind of excitement, however, he discovered that his so-called friends didn't even like him. He looked in the mirror and he looked like a big lollipop. So he began a rigorous course of masturbating, sock smelling, and licking furniture. In the end, he invented a rocket ship and became the first man to live on Jupiter, where he laughed every day at the ridiculous amount he weighed.
The character was adopted by the richest parents in the entire town, Jermaine and Rhonda Goldperson. Anything he wanted, all he had to do was raise his hand and scream and he'd possibly get it.

While attending dance lessons, however, he fell in with the wrong sort of crowd and became addicted to hurling insults at priests.

After several decades of this kind of excitement, however, he discovered that his so-called friends didn't even like him. He looked in the mirror and he looked like a big lollipop. So he began a rigorous course of masturbating, sock smelling, and licking furniture. In the end, he invented a rocket ship and became the first man to live on Jupiter, where he laughed every day at the ridiculous amount he weighed.
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